Graduation season is upon us. Everywhere I turn, friends are posting pictures of their grads in cap and gown, holding up their diplomas for the world to see.

A significant part of any graduation ceremony involves speeches reflecting on the importance of education and various life lessons the graduates can use as they move forward. While I am far removed from my own graduations, I have been reflecting on some of the life lessons I’ve learned over the years.

I turned 39 a couple weeks ago. With the thought of approaching the unofficial middle-aged mark next year, it’s only natural to think about my life. I’m definitely not where I thought I’d be, or at least where conventional societal wisdom told me I should be, but I’ve also experienced things I never thought I would. I’ve had a lot of good in my life, but like most people, I’ve also had my fair share of challenges and loss. At each stage, however, I’ve learned something about myself and others. Some lessons took longer to learn than others. Some I learned the hard way through not so smart choices. And some were learned because of the actions of others.

Regardless of how or when these lessons came about, if I were giving a graduation speech, there are some of them that I would share with the graduates:

• FORGIVE YOURSELF – Growing up, I loved the Choose Your Own Adventure books. When you reached a certain page, there were two options for what the reader thought the character should do next. You turned to the page that corresponded with the option you picked. If that choice didn’t work out for the character, you went back and picked the other one. In reality, we don’t get do-overs on decisions. But we can choose to take a different path from that point forward. Forgiving myself means I can learn from my failures rather than get stuck in guilt or disappointment.

• FORGIVE OTHERS –Forgiving someone who seeks forgiveness is one thing, but forgiving the unapologetic is easier said than done. Between high school bullies, people I thought were friends, and even strangers’ comments, there are times when I have let anger over others’ actions hold me back. I’ve learned that holding onto that anger only allows the bullies to win. Forgiving those who show no remorse or who don’t think what they did was wrong allows me to move on from those people without carrying the anger. Forgiving doesn’t mean I forget what they said/did, or that I will offer them my trust again. What forgiving them means is that they do not control my thoughts and emotions.

• DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR WANTING BETTER –When did it become a bad thing to strive for better? I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard someone say “Just be thankful you have …” Don’t get me wrong, we should appreciate what we have. It’s the word “just” that makes the difference. “Be thankful for …” is much different than “Just be thankful for….” Just implies we should accept things the way they are, as if we have no control over what happens to us. I believe we can be thankful for what we have while still seeking something more. I’m not talking about having more money or buying a new car. I’m talking about mental and spiritual well-being. If there’s something you want to do – a new career, going back to school, starting your own business – don’t let anyone tell you pursuing a dream means you aren’t grateful for what you have now. Be thankful, but don’t settle.

• INVEST IN YOURSELF — Most of us spend at least 40 hours a week for 30 to 40 years working at a job. Stay-at-home parents spend virtually all day for a minimum of 18 years working to take care of others. Throw in commitments to friends, church, and volunteer activities, personal time is limited. Even those who don’t have spouses/kids are busy, many working several jobs to make ends meet on their own. It’s easy to get burned out. It’s easy to set aside your own hobbies and goals for the sake of others. I believe that, no matter what your life situation, you can’t be any good to anyone else if you’re mentally and emotionally exhausted. Take time to pursue your own hobbies and interests, even if that means working out a schedule with your family to set aside personal time. Be willing to financially invest in a class that can help you meet personal or professional goals. Reach out to someone in your community who is already doing what you want to do, and find out if he/she would be willing to mentor you, even if only for a short time. Find an online community or blogs about a particular interest and make connections with those who have similar interests.

• NEVER STOP LEARNING – Graduation, whatever level attained, shouldn’t mean you are done learning. Most people have to learn new skills for a job. But learning goes well beyond the workplace. If you have an interest in a particular topic, utilize whatever resources you can to learn more about that topic. Reading is an ideal way to learn more about specific topics, or for a general overview of an idea or event. Fiction teaches human behavior and complex ideas. If you are able, traveling is the perfect way to learn new things about people and history. Even listening to family conversations can lead to newfound knowledge of past events and ideas. However you choose to continue your informal education, never allow yourself to assume you know everything you need to know. There’s always opportunity for growth, professionally and personally, through being a lifelong learner.

What advice would give in a graduation speech?

Are there any lessons you wish someone had told you in your teenage years that would have helped you?

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